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I’D KILL FOR A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE |
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Written by To The Point News
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Thursday, 22 March 2007 |
Philosophy Professor Tibor Machan sends us a collection of
sayings by the erudite philosopher Steven Wright:
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact
duplicates.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
All those who believe in psychokinetics, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Support bacteria - they're the only
culture some people have.
Experience is
something you don't get until just after you need it.
You never really
learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The sooner you fall
behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Drugs may lead to
nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I spilled spot
remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
"Did you sleep
well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."
Someone sent me a
postcard picture of the earth. On the
back it said, "Wish you were here."
Right now I'm having
amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
Smoking cures weight
problems...eventually...
There aren't enough
days in the weekend.
My roommate got a
pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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