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THE LIBERALS ANONYMOUS 12 STEP RECOVERY PROGRAM |
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Written by To The Point News
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Wednesday, 08 October 2008 |
Are you troubled by liberalism? Not sure why your
brain works the way it does? Fear not! Join Liberals Anonymous and recover your
brain with this 12-step program.
Step 1: Admit that you're a liberal.
This is the first step for every liberal on the way to
recovery. It is important to understand that you're not
"progressive," "moderate," or "enlightened."
You're a liberal, and you need to be honest with yourself about that fact.
Step 2: Pledge to support your beliefs with facts.
Realize that truth is more important than moral superiority
and is the only way to come over to reality. You must research beyond
propaganda from the Sierra Club, Hillary Clinton and CNN to understand things
as they really exist in the world. You can no longer argue based on
"feelings" or emotion. You will actually need to back up your
arguments with real information. This is a difficult step, because it
means you can't be lazy any more.
Step 3: Love America.
This may be the most difficult step for those of you who are
terrified of being envied by those who hate America
for its freedom and prosperity. Admitting that America
actually stands as a beacon to defend freedom throughout the world, rather than
deserving of hate can make some of you physically ill. You might want to
make a visit to a military cemetery to better understand that these men and
women gave their lives so that you could apologize for your country's existence.
Stop apologizing to every one envious of America,
and start loving her.
Step 4: Take a college level economics class.
A Socialist is defined as someone who's never taken an
economics class. Most Socialists have a hard time balancing their
checkbooks, let alone explaining the simple concept of supply-and-demand.
It's time to flush your complete ignorance of basic economics down the
toilet and understand how the world actually functions. This concept will
be very important for the next steps that involve communism, facts about
corporations, and the inefficiencies of government.
Step 5: Say "no" to Communism and
Socialism.
While this concept is obvious to most of the free world, it
is an important step in your recovery process. If you have difficulty
with this step, spend a month living and working in Cuba.
Step 6: Corporations are not evil.
If you're reading this article on-line or in an email, it's
thanks to corporations. If you get some kind of paycheck, you can thank
corporations. If you work for a nonprofit or the government, you still
have to thank corporations. The nonprofit sector and the government
wouldn't have any money to pay you without corporations. It is also
important that you understand that making a profit doesn't equate to
"greed" or exploitation. Capitalism has created the greatest
society in our world's history. Even communist countries need
corporations to survive, so enjoy a nice, hot cup of reality.
Step 7: The government is inefficient.
If you are one of those liberals who believe the government
should tax us more in order to take care of society, you need to pay special
attention to this step. You need to realize that government bureaucracy
will waste most of your tax dollars, while the private sector will put your
money to much better use. Even most Democrat politicians understand this
to some degree, which is why Hillary's socialist healthcare proposal was voted
down by a majority of both Democrats and Republicans. Go to your local
post office, or call the IRS to ask a tax question if you need a reminder about
government inefficiency.
Step 8: The earth is not your "mother,"
and she's not dying.
The time has now come to stop your donations to Greenpeace,
The Sierra Club, and every other EnviroNazi organization to which you belong.
Face the reality that the earth, society and our environment are better
off today than ever in recorded history and that they are continuing to
improve. Many of you tree huggers will have a very difficult time letting
go of the Douglas Fir on this one. Reading The
Skeptical Environmentalist by Bjorn Lomborg will help. Mr. Lomborg is
a former member of Greenpeace and is currently a statistics professor at a
university in Denmark.
He set out to prove the world was in bad shape and ended up surprising
himself by proving the exact opposite.
Step 9: Stop smoking weed.
Okay, some of you might need to enter another 12-step
program to complete this step. Marijuana is distorting your sense of
reality, and you need to stop using it. Besides, you'll save a fortune on
snacks.
Step 10: Eat a hamburger.
If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn't have
made them out of meat. You can put your sprouts and tofu on the
hamburger, but get some meat into you. You'll look and feel better than you
ever imagined. Remember that "vegetarian" is a Sioux Indian word meaning
"bad hunter."
Step 11: Stop re-writing political history.
It's now time to admit that Bill Clinton is a
lying-cheating-sexist-racist-rapist jackass, Hillary Clinton is one of the
worst role models for women in this country, Al Gore really did lose the 2000
election by every vote tabulation you attempt, Ronald Reagan ended the Cold War
and didn't create the homeless problem, John McCain is not a typical Republican,
and Jimmy Carter is an anti-Semite with one of the worst presidential records
of anyone in history.
Step 12: Be a missionary.
Once you have completed the previous steps to overcoming
liberalism, it's time for you to share this awakening with others who are not
as fortunate. Go out amongst the liberal sheep and spread the
good word of your freedom from the chains of ignorance and the fear of being
envied that once bound you.
Congratulations, and welcome to reality.
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