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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE NORTH AND THE SOUTH |
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Written by To The Point News
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Friday, 30 April 2010 |
The difference between the North and the South clearly explained....at last
The North has Bloomingdale's;
the South has Dollar General .
The North has coffee houses;
the South has Waffle Houses .
The North has dating services;
the South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives;
the South has .45's
The North has double last names;
the South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races;
The South has stock car races .
North has Cream of Wheat;
the South has grits.
The North has green salads;
the South has collard greens .
The North has lobsters;
the South has crawfish .
The North has the Rust Belt;
the South has the Bible Belt .
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH
In the South : If you run your car into a ditch, don't
panic.
Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup
truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their
way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the
same store....
Do not buy food at this store.
Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are
saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' as in
‘big'ol' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their
Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about
it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no
longer proper .
Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense
here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you
should stay out of the way...
These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their
own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught
them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush
green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as Southerners...
After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we
ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.
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