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ToThePoint

RONALD REAGAN’S FAVORITE IRISH JOKE

ronaldreaganIn honor of St. Patrick’s Day today, it’s only appropriate to relate Ronald Reagan’s favorite Irish joke, as he was fond of telling it with such exuberance.

An Irishman was walking along Inchydoney Beach in County Cork – Ireland’s most beautiful and not far from my ancestral village of Ballyporeen – when he came upon an old encrusted bottle washed up on the shore.

He picked it up, brushed off the sand, saw it was still stoppered and wondered what was inside.  He carefully broke it open at the neck on a beach rock, and to his great surprise out popped a Leprechaun, an Irish genie.

leprechaun“Oh me man!” the Leprechaun exclaimed.  “I was in that horrid bottle for a hundred years and you be settin’ me free!  Well, I’ll be givin’ you two wishes before I’m on m’ way!”

“Two wishes?” the Irishman asked incredulously.  “Anything I want?”

“Anything – you just name it and it’s yours,” came the answer.

The Irishman couldn’t believe his luck.  He thought for a moment, then said, “Firstly, what I’ll be wantin’ is a glass of the best Irish ale – but a very special glass!” he added quickly – that no matter how much I drink it will always be full.”

Poof!  There was a glass in his hand overflowing with Irish Red Ale.  He took a sip – it was the best beer he’d ever had in his life.  He drank and he drank and he drank, and five minutes later he hadn’t made a dent, the glass was still overflowing with Irish Red.

But by now the Leprechaun was getting impatient.  “Listen me man!” he chastised.  “I appreciate you settin’ me free and all, but I was in that bottle for far too long, I’ve got things to do, so you’ll be makin’ your second wish now!”

The Irishman thought good and hard.  Finally he made his decision.  He held up his overflowing magic glass, looked at it admiringly, and told the Leprechaun, “Ya know – I think I’ll have another one of these!”

There’s no doubt about it – God loves the Irish.

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YES, MAXINE NEEDS AN IQ TEST

In his Gridiron Dinner address last Saturday (3/03), President Trump had this to say about the looniest bird on Capitol Hill:

How about that one? Maxine Waters, “He must be impeached!” That’s all she knows how to say, “He must be impeached! Impeached!” … But he’s done nothing wrong. “Doesn’t matter. What has he done wrong? I don’t know! You got to be impeached!”

 And then I say – I’ll get in trouble for this – Maxine, she has to immediately take an IQ test.

No doubt.  Here’s why:

maxine-waters-dumb

To See More of Crazy Maxine (Click Below)

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IT’S SO EASY

so-easy

One reason is that Congresscritter Schifforbrains has never worked a day in his life in the real world – never had any private sector job, never had a business, ever in his life.

He went directly from law school to prosecutor for the US Attorney’s office in Los Angeles, then California state senate in 96, then Congress in 2001 where he’s been there ever since.  Oh yes, his Wikepedia entry says his net worth is $1.7million.  Wonder how he did that.

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A VERY SECURE PLACE

During a recent White House press conference, Jim Acosta hollered from the press corps,

"Where is President Trump hiding his tax returns?"

Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders cooly responded, "We've found a very secure place and I'm certain they won't be found."

"And just where is that?" Acosta asked sarcastically.

Mrs. Sanders grinned and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college records, and his Selective Service registration… Next question?"

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LIFE IS GOOD

life-is-goodI am a senior; I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.

I don’t have to go to school or work.

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad.

I don’t have a curfew.

I have a driver’s license and my own car.

I have ID that gets me into bars and the liquor store.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, and I don’t have acne.

Life is great! I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.

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MUHAMMAD RESIGNS AS PROPHET AMID SEXUAL ASSAULT ALLEGATIONS

muhammad-resigns-as-prophetOn the heels of this week's resignation of Karl Marx as leading figure in the communist movement due to allegations of sexual misconduct, the triggered social justice organizers of the #MeToo collective have claimed the scalp of another progressive icon.

At a press conference, supported by her family and lawyers, a woman named Aisha claimed that she was taken as a bride by Mr. Muhammad when she was nine years old. When asked why it took so long for her to come out, she stated that she feared nobody would believe her since the testimony of a woman is not worth a lot in her social circle. The crying woman also confessed that Mr. Muhammad used to beat her when she displeased him, and she feared physical retribution.

Mr. Beelzebub, the lawyer representing the accused prophet, denied the gravity of the accusations, saying that "everyone was doing it at the time," and that his client "did not remember the situation in quite the same way."

But later that day more stories emerged from other victims, encouraged by Aisha's testimony and resulting in the viral #MuhammadToo campaign on Twitter.

Here are those stories and the worldwide reaction…

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PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP PROCLAIMS OCTOBER 9 2017 AS COLUMBUS DAY

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

Five hundred and twenty-five years ago, Christopher Columbus completed an ambitious and daring voyage across the Atlantic Ocean to the Americas. The voyage was a remarkable and then-unparalleled feat that helped launch the age of exploration and discovery.

The permanent arrival of Europeans to the Americas was a transformative event that undeniably and fundamentally changed the course of human history and set the stage for the development of our great Nation.

Therefore, on Columbus Day, we honor the skilled navigator and man of faith, whose courageous feat brought together continents and has inspired countless others to pursue their dreams and convictions -- even in the face of extreme doubt and tremendous adversity.

More than five centuries after his initial voyage, we remember the "Admiral of the Ocean Sea" for building the critical first link in the strong and enduring bond between the United States and Europe.

While Isabella I and Ferdinand II of Spain sponsored his historic voyage, Columbus was a native of the City of Genoa, in present day Italy, and represents the rich history of important Italian American contributions to our great Nation. There can be no doubt that American culture, business, and civic life would all be much less vibrant in the absence of the Italian American community.

We also take this opportunity to reaffirm our close ties to Columbus's country of birth, Italy. Italy is a strong ally and a valued partner in promoting peace and promoting prosperity around the world.

In commemoration of Christopher Columbus's historic voyage, the Congress, by joint resolution of April 30, 1934, and modified in 1968 (36 U.S.C. 107), as amended, has requested the President proclaim the second Monday of October of each year as "Columbus Day."

NOW, THEREFORE, I, DONALD J. TRUMP, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 9, 2017, as Columbus Day.

I call upon the people of the United States to observe this day with appropriate ceremonies and activities. I also direct that the flag of the United States be displayed on all public buildings on the appointed day in honor of our diverse history and all who have contributed to shaping this Nation.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this sixth day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand seventeen, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and forty-second.

 

DONALD J. TRUMP The White House Washington D.C.

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THIS LAND IS OUR LAND

usa-map[As a political satire of Woody Guthrie’s lyrics, is there a patriot folk singer who can put this to music for YouTube?]

This land is our land

This land’s not your land

So get out of our land and go back to your land

This land was made for those here legally.

From California to the New York island; From the red wood forest to the Gulf Stream waters This land was made for those here legally.

As I was walking that ribbon of highway, I saw above me that endless skyway: I saw below me that golden valley: This land was made for those here legally.

I've roamed and rambled and I followed my footsteps To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts; And all around me a voice was sounding: This land was made for those here legally.

When the sun came shining, and I was strolling, And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling, As the fog was lifting a voice was chanting: This land was made for those here legally.

As I went walking I saw a sign there And on the sign it said "No Trespassing." But on the other side it didn't say nothing, That side was made for those here legally.

In the shadow of the steeple I saw these people, By the relief office I seen these people; As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking Is this land made for those here illegally?

Nobody living can ever stop me, As I go walking that freedom highway; Nobody living can ever make me turn back This land was made for those here legally.

This land is our land

This land’s not your land

So get out of our land and go back to your land

From California to the New York island; From the red wood forest to the Gulf Stream waters This land was made for those here legally.

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WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

  1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
  2. Mostly to clean the house.
  3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
  1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
  2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
  3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
  1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
  2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
  1. We're related.
  2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

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MEDICAL SCIENCE DISCOVERS A CURE FOR MOSLEM TERRORISM

pork-and-booze-dietResearch by the World Health Organization (WHO) in Geneva, Switzerland has proven that eating ham and salami while drinking a glass of red wine at each meal reduces the risk of becoming a Moslem terrorist by exactly 100%.

Note that it must be red wine – the WHO researchers determined that white wine does not have the same deterrent effect as only girly-men drink white wine.

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