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Written by To The Point News
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Wednesday, 04 February 2009 |
Jay Leno:
"Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was
'going to get worse before it gets better.' See, that's when you know the
campaign is really over. Remember before the election? 'The audacity of hope!'
'Yes, we can!' 'A change we can believe in!' Now it's, 'We're all screwed.'"
"Barack Obama plans to issue an executive order on his first full day in
office, directing the closing of Guantanamo
Bay. He said he needs the money for
new prisons to hold Democratic mayors and governors."
"There was a huge scientific breakthrough today.
Researchers say they are very close to finding someone from Obama's
Cabinet who's actually paid their taxes."
"Because of a huge budget crisis, California
is now going to delay paying tax refunds. To which Tom Daschle said, 'That's why I didn't pay them in the first place'."
Conan O'Brien:
"A New York
elementary school became the first school in the country to be named after
Barack Obama. Yeah, that's very nice. Yeah, unfortunately, no one likes their
team's new nickname, the Fighting Husseins."
***
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
***
Q. Why did Jane Fonda vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.
***
Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry Obama to Barack
Obama?
A. He thought "Barry" sounded too American.
***
Q. What do Obama Messiah followers drink?
A. Koolaid, what else?.
***
Obama and Michelle were in a plane going to do an event together...the plane
crashes over the ocean, and they're both drowning...
Who gets saved?
AMERICA.
***
A teacher asked her 3rd grade class how many of them were Obama fans. All
the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little
Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a
Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your
dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama fan.'
***
THE GREATEST PICTURE EVER TAKEN OF AMERICA'S
NEW PRESIDENT
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