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John Bolton Eludes FBI By Blending Into A Herd Of Walruses

BETHESDA, MD — Federal agents raided the home of former National Security Advisor John Bolton on Friday as part of a security probe involving classified documents. Unfortunately, the whereabouts of Bolton were currently unknown, as it was believed that he escaped by blending in with a nearby herd of walruses.

"I didn't know there were so many walruses in Maryland. Now we'll never find him!" FBI Director Kash Patel was heard saying at the scene. "Walruses. This job never gets any easier."

Walruses are not native to Bethesda, where Bolton's primary residence is located, on account of them being marine mammals that live near the ocean. But, according to sources, Bolton always keeps a herd of walruses nearby in case he needs to disappear.

Bolton has had a long and controversial career in government with scandals related to Vietnam War draft avoidance, Iran-Contra, planning coups in foreign countries, and being the product of Russian experiments to create the world's first human/walrus hybrid. Sources said it was only logical that he would keep a group of the marine mammals around as part of an elaborate escape plan.

Agents canvassing Bolton's neighborhood reportedly met with a witness who claimed that the former U.S. ambassador was home just minutes prior to the raid and was tipped off by a nearby seagull. "I've got to vamoose!" Bolton was allegedly heard saying as he dove into the nearby herd, also called a haul-out, of walruses and began barking. "Arf-arf! To the ocean, my brothers!"

At publishing time, John Bolton had been recovered from the gill net of a fisherman's trawler and was being transported to Washington, D.C. for questioning.

~ Babylon Bee reporting

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HALF-FULL REPORT 08/15/25

Gotta love Louisiana’s Senator John Kennedy, funniest guy on Capitol Hill at skewering  Dem woketards.  Can’t wait to hear what he says about the latest escapade of Professional Sociopath/America’s Worst Governor Gavin Newscum. Yesterday (8/14), he held a rally in downtown LA for his blatantly illegal “Election Rigging Response Act”.

Guess who showed up on the street outside the building by sheer coincidence.  Yep, ICE and the USBP, led by Chief Border Patrol Agent Greg Bovino, arresting illegals:

And wow, did America’s Worst Mayor Karen Bass get her eggs fried about it.

Let’s have a fun – and informative – HFR.  Let’s go…

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SOCIALISM IS FASCISM

socialism-is-fascismSunday’s (8/10) NY Post cover featured this photo of Muslim-Communist Mamdani and his Democratic Socialist Party (DSA) supporters . It’s hilarious that these morons haven’t a clue that Socialism IS Fascism, since the identities are fundamental while the differences are superficial.

So… there are three guys running against Mamdani in the 2025 New York City mayoral election this November 4: Eric Adams, Andrew Cuomo, and Curtis Slima.  Obviously, a three-way split of votes guarantees Mamdani.  Two of these three have to bow out and support the third. In realpolitik calculations that means the two are Slima and Cuomo.

What could clinch it for Adams – get his two rivals to step aside and support him, get POTUS to all-out endorse him, and get him MAGA news coverage and drive the Woke Left bat-guano crazy – is for him to adopt as a campaign theme Socialism IS Fascism.

Print up ten thousand placards and hand-held signs, put it up on billboards and Times Square neon signs.  Run Mamdani right into the ground with it, for this two-bit Ugandan Muslim Nobody really is a totalitarian fascist.

Of course, the necessary condition for this to succeed is for Adams to explain clearly and succinctly why Socialism is fascistic. Here we go.

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MORE THAN YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PATERNITY

Anna Nicole Smith November 28, 1967 – February 8, 2007

[It’s August.  Let’s take a break from anything political.  This Monday’s Archive  was originally published in TTP on April 11, 2007. Everyone back then knew of notorious Anna Nicole whose life had tragically ended two months earlier.  Yet her promiscuity turned out to be quite instructive. It still is.]

TTP, April 11, 2007

I can't pass this one up.  DNA testing that shows among Anna Nicole Smith's multiple lovers, a fellow named Larry Birkhead is the father of her daughter provides such an exquisitely teachable moment about paternity – well, it's simply impossible for me to resist.

This is going to be fun.  We'll start with a discussion of what scientists delightfully call "sperm wars."  Let's first discuss those conducted by chimpanzees.  They give the phrase "flooding the zone" a whole new meaning.

Chimpanzees are our closest primate relatives with whom we share a common ancestor.  That common ancestor lived a long time ago.  The human-chimp split took place around 5 million years ago (5 mya).

Chimps and humans have, however, retained certain basic behavior patterns in common – such as patrilocality.  But for other behavior patterns, chimps and us are really different.  Like sex.

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TRUMP-PUTIN ALASKA SUMMIT: CEASEFIRE ONLY

This Friday’s high-stakes meeting between President Donald Trump and Russia’s Vladimir Putin in Alaska could bring real relief to Ukraine – but only if it stays laser-focused on one goal: an enforceable ceasefire. No redraw of the map. No "land for peace" concessions that reward Moscow’s aggression and punish Ukrainian sovereignty.

A United Front

Over the weekend, Vice President JD Vance convened a secure call with European and Ukrainian officials. The message from allied capitals was blunt: halt the fighting first, then negotiate the rest – without giving up an inch of Ukrainian land. European leaders have repeated it publicly: "Peace cannot be decided without Ukraine".

Why Now Matters

On the ground, the war’s toll is rising. Russia is pushing hard in Donetsk and Luhansk, pounding civilian infrastructure and displacing thousands. Ukrainian officials report hundreds of daily clashes, rising casualties, and failing power and water systems. A ceasefire won’t end the war, but it would stop the bloodshed and open humanitarian corridors.

Putin Under Pressure

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THE RUSSIAN OBSESSION WITH ALASKA

the-russian-obsessionRussia’s Siberia and America’s Alaska seem almost to touch, with the tips of the Chukotka and Seward Peninsulas only 55 miles apart across the Bering Strait.

The scene of the planned Aug. 15 meeting between U.S. President Donald Trump and his Russian counterpart Vladimir Putin — the U.S. state of Alaska — has played an outsized role in Russian propaganda and mythology.

The choice of Alaska for the summit has re-ignited imperialist narratives, with Kremlin propagandists emphasizing again that the peninsula used to be a Russian territory.

Some imperialist Russians have perceived the sale of Russian Alaska to the U.S. in 1867 as treason or a tragic mistake, while others have dismissed the transaction as illegal.

For years, Russian propagandists and officials have been obsessed with Alaska and called for returning it to Moscow. In their mindset, it is part of the mythology where Alaska, Finland, Poland, and Ukraine are "historical Russian lands" that were unfairly separated from the homeland.

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A LEGACY ERASED — UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEORGE SOROS

This is not the picture of a happy man. Born on August 12, 1930,  George Soros turned 95 ereyesterday, and for his birthday present America brought him the annihilation of his legacy.

Soros has been known for two things: making money and spending it on political influence. Over the last few years, he has handed over control of his empire to his son, Alex, and Alex Soros is proving delightfully unable to do either of those things successfully.

First, Alex ruined his reputation for making money. George was once known as “the man who broke the bank of England,” famous for making $1 billion in one day by sniffing out arbitrage opportunities in currency exchange markets.

Taking control of Soros Fund Management, Alex became the man who broke the bank of Soros. Alex is as talented at making billions vanish as George was at making them appear, but maybe he inherited some of his dad’s skill for political maneuvering and network building?

Nope. He’s a failure at that too.

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AN HONEST HOUSE? THE END OF RACIAL GERRYMANDERS

Is the US Supreme Court about to disenfranchise black Americans and other racial minority voters?

You would think so, given the hysterical hyperbole found in the progressive press. “The Supreme Court Prepares to End Voting Rights As We Know Them,” shrieks the headline in the Left-wing journal Mother Jones.

Is the Republican majority on the Supreme Court really about to strike down or eviscerate the Voting Rights Act of 1965? Will the Court legalize the outlawed methods used by Southern segregationists to deny the right to vote to black Americans, like literacy tests and poll taxes?

Of course not. The occasion of these alarms is the willingness of the Court to consider a Louisiana case – Louisiana v Callais -- involving the use of race by state legislatures in drawing congressional districts.

What is at issue is the question of whether the half-century-old practice of racial gerrymandering – drawing congressional districts in such a way as to elect representatives of a particular race to the House of Representatives – is compatible with the Voting Rights Act or the US constitution.

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THE QUIET POWER OF KINDNESS

small-acts-of-kindnessFor some, happiness is a word that conjures up visions of selfish people concerned only with their own pleasure; but this sort of hedonistic approach to happiness is a recipe for serial bursts of pleasure at the expense of long-term happiness.

When I speak of happiness, I am describing a much richer concept; more akin to what the ancient Greeks called eudaimonia or “success at being human.”

One of the central elements for living well is how we relate to other people. In this regard, happiness is literally the opposite of self-centeredness or self-absorption.

In fact, contrary to many Las Vegas advertisements or Hollywood-lifestyle fantasies, self-absorption is a key ingredient for depression, and single-minded focus on personal pleasure is a recipe for long-term misery.

So here’s the single most effective thing we can do to get an immediate and significant boost to our genuine happiness – and to set the stage for a deeper, long-term happiness as well.

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FLASHBACK FRIDAY – SWIMMING THE HELLESPONT

jw-swims-the-hellespontJuly, 1973. The Hellespont is the famous strait separating Europe from Asia, where the Black Sea after flowing through the Bosphorus at Istanbul and a widening called Marmara empties into the Aegean Sea of the Mediterranean. One of the great stories of Greek Mythology is Leander swimming the Hellespont to tryst with Hero, the woman he loved but was forbidden to see.

Thus he swam at night, and she lit a torch for him to swim to. One night a storm blew out the torch and the strong currents swept Leander onto the rocks to drown. So I first swam the Hellespont at night in 1960 and almost drowned myself (LIFE Magazine, Dec. 12, 1960, pp 91-94).

This was the second time, swimming from Leander’s village site of Abydos on the Asia side to Sestos, Hero’s village site on Europe’s. Here I am having reached the Sestos shore.

The Hellespont is where the Trojan War was fought, where the Persians crossed to lose against the Greeks at Marathon and Salamis, where Alexander crossed to conquer the Persian Empire. Lord Byron swam the Hellespont in 1803 to make all the legends and history a part of his life. I was determined to do the same, twice to make sure. (Glimpses of Our Breathtaking World #100 photo ©Jack Wheeler)

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THE SKY CAVES OF THE TIBETAN KINGDOM OF LO

the-sky-cavesYes, that’s me, waving from one of the cave openings on the cliff face honeycombed with 2,000 year-old Sky Caves in a remote region of the Himalayas called Upper Mustang.  The photo was taken by one of your fellow TTPers on our most recent Himalaya Helicopter Expedition last Fall.

Upper Mustang is ruled by the Tibetan Kingdom of Lo, created by Tibetan warrior-king Amne Pal in 1380, with its sovereignty protected today by Nepal from the Chicoms right across the border in Chinese-Occupied Tibet.  Lo, with its capital the medieval walled city of Lo Manthang, is where you will find the most traditional Tibetan culture left on our planet.

You can experience it yourself on our Himalaya Helicopter Expedition next year. If not now, when? Carpe diem.

(Glimpses of Our Breathtaking World #250 photo ©Jack Wheeler)

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A MONUMENT TO CHRISTIANITY IN THE CONGO

congo-churchThere are two Congos in Africa. The better known is the former Belgian Congo, once known as Zaire, now DR Congo (for Democratic Republic), also called Kinshasa Congo after its capital.

The lesser known is the former French Congo, now Republic of Congo, or Brazzaville Congo after its capital. Brazzaville is on the north side of a widening of the Congo River known as the Stanley Pool, while right across from it on the south side is Kinshasa.

It is in Brazzaville that you will find this magnificent monument to Christianity, the Cathedral of Sainte-Anne, with its roof covered in gleaming green-turquoise tiles, huge copper doors, and soaring arched interior bathed in sunlight. The people of Brazzaville are joyously Christian, attending 5pm Mass dressed in their most colorful finery. You’ll see Christianity truly come to life here. (Glimpses of Our Breathtaking World #174 photo ©Jack Wheeler)

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THE BORU HARP

boru_harp The Boru Harp, attributed to the one and only High King of the entire island of Ireland, Brian Boru (941-1014), is the only musical instrument that is the national symbol of a country - the Republic of Ireland. It is also on the label of Guinness beer. Beautifully and exquisitely made, the Boru Harp is on display in the famous Long Room of the Trinity College Library in Dublin. You’ll experience a sense of awe when you see it for yourself. (Glimpses of Our Breathtaking World #219 photo ©Jack Wheeler)

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BUYI KIDS AT THE LUOPING FLOWER FIELDS

buyi-kids-at-luoping-flower-fieldsThe Buyi are the indigenous people of Luoping in northeast Yunnan, having lived here for many thousands of years. A peaceful agricultural people, for some 2,000 years they’ve been growing what we call rapeseed for vegetable oil. (Actually, we call it canola oil as “rapeseed” has unfortunate connotaions.)

Their multilevel terraces of bright yellow rapeseed flowers blooming in early spring (February-March here) – the Luoping Flower Fields – are world wonders of natural art.

They are marvelously friendly and hospitable – watch out for drinking rice wine with them, though, it’s seriously strong! These two Buyi kids exemplify what a joy they are to be with amidst their astounding fields of beauty. (Glimpses of Our Breathtaking World #276 photo ©Jack Wheeler)

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GAVIN NEWSOM VOWS TO DOUBLE CALIFORNIA’S VIOLENT CRIME IF TRUMP DOESN’T STOP CLEANING UP DC

SACRAMENTO, CA — In his ongoing public sparring with the Trump administration over its agenda, Governor Gavin Newsom vowed to double California's violent crime rate if President Donald Trump refused to stop cleaning up Washington, D.C.

Acting as a constant and vocal opponent to Trump's policies, Newsom took things up a notch this week by promising to offset any progress Trump might make in his attempt to crack down on crime in the nation's capital by promoting even more violent crime in the Golden State.

"If Trump insists on lowering crime in D.C., then we're going to commit crimes even harder here in California," Newsom said in a video statement on social media.

"We simply cannot allow him to get away with fundamentally changing the fabric of our nation by protecting innocent, law-abiding citizens from violent crime in our major cities. This ‘crackdown' on violent crime is a crackdown on America itself. Here in California, we're committed to spearheading the increase of murders, rapes, assaults, robberies, and all the other horrible crimes Trump seems to be dead-set on eliminating.

Join me in standing up to Trump and his fascist agenda to make American cities safer."

Newsom reportedly set up a special task force to come up with a plan to increase violent crime in the state if Trump followed through on his promise to curb crime in Washington, D.C., including supplying criminals with the tools and resources they need to carry out their abominable acts.

"I'm here to help," Newsom continued. "I've been a friend to criminals my whole career, and I'm proud to stand by them against President Trump's dangerous policies to promote safety."

At publishing time, Newsom was last seen carjacking an old lady's vehicle in downtown Sacramento.

~ Babylon Bee reporting.

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