THE WORLD BOGRAKAB CUP
For at least a quarter-century now, I've been hearing the same mantra from soccer enthusiasts: "Every little kid in America plays soccer. When they grow up, soccer will be more popular than football or baseball."
This hasn't happened and never will happen. Kids love to run around and kick a ball. Watching grown-ups do it has all the drama of watching paint dry.
A majority of Americans will not pay much attention to the World Cup this month while the rest of the world goes bananas about it because "soccer" should really be named "bograkab" - bunch-of-guys-running-around-kicking-a-ball.
Here's a synopsis of most every period of most every professional soccer game ever played:
Run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball - never score.
Run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball - never score.
It doesn't get more exciting in sports than this. Except for curling.
So - now that I have all soccer fans totally enraged (something that's very easy to do, by the way), let's talk for real about why soccer will never be a competitor to football or baseball or basketball for the hearts of American sports fans.