NOTORIOUS GROOMING GANG VOTES TO NOT INVESTIGATE ITSELF
LONDON — Public outrage over the scandal related to allegations of ongoing abuse of children intensified in the United Kingdom this week as a nationwide grooming gang voted not to investigate itself.
Despite widespread concern over the situation and nearly unanimous calls for a national inquiry into the accusations from a growing number of whistleblowers, the grooming gang held an official meeting and voted against doing so.
"We will not be looking into the allegations against us at this time," said one member of the grooming gang. "We have heard the disturbing reports from many people who claim to have been affected by our actions over the years, but we have decided it's just not worth investigating ourselves regarding any wrongdoing. Cheers."
Though the gang has come under increasing fire with more victims coming forward, its members remained firmly against investigating their criminal conduct. "I'm afraid we're still not convinced," said another grooming gang member. "If we were to look into these things we're accused of perpetrating, we may be forced to hold ourselves accountable, and that's not something we wish to do. While we do acknowledge the seriousness of the situation, we are not willing to subject ourselves to further scrutiny."
Victims and their advocates were reportedly preparing to take the scandal to the courts before learning that members of the same gang also occupied powerful positions on all levels of the justice system.
At publishing time, the grooming gang announced that it would be launching a full investigation into anyone who questioned their decision not to launch an investigation into themselves. Elon Musk is their #1 Suspect.


[This Monday’s Archive was originally posted on December 22, 2005. Nineteen years ago. It is more apropos than ever, given the current headline (12/29/24):
Remember when Japan was predicted to overtake America? Back in the 1980s, Japan was the coming country. One “expert”, Herman Kahn predicted that Japan would surpass America as the world’s largest economy by 2000.
“The Briton... should cheerfully acquiesce in the decree of Destiny, and stand in betimes with the conquering American.” So said William Thomas Stead (1849-1912), the prominent Victorian newspaperman and strident reformer.
Tomorrow, January 3, a new Congress is sworn in. Immediately after, the House must elect of Speaker.

Try as he might, it is clear that Xi Jinping cannot rid his military of the insidious corruption that defines its workings much more than the count of warships and nuclear warheads ever can.





U.S. — Following its poor performance in the attack outside the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas this week, the Tesla Cybertruck was unanimously voted Worst Vehicle by members of the National Association of Terrorist Car Bombers.