HOW OBAMA PLANS TO GET THE WOMEN’S VOTE BACK
News item: New York Post, December 27, 2013: Women Comprise Biggest Opposition to Obamacare
OBAMA: That's impossible. I'm polling below zero?
WHITE HOUSE POLLSTER: I've never seen anything like it, sir. The "negative numbers" poll hypothesis was discarded a generation ago. The only explanation is that even the imaginary voters we regularly survey to boost your ratings are down on you.
OBAMA: Intolerable. I want my blocs back. Women--my women!-- have slip-slided away. HHS?
KATHLEEN SEBELIUS: We're paying for abortions now, Mr. President. Regain women's loyalty by paying them to have abortions, say $500 per protoplasmic blob. And think of the benefits to humanity of all the fetal stem cells we'd harvest.
OBAMA: Make it so. George?
SOROS: Giff generous bonus for twins und triplets, zir.
OBAMA: Excellent! New fertility and abortion clinics will spring up all over the country to cash in, meaning an uptick in the next year's jobs reports.
JOE BIDEN:
