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pork-and-booze-dietResearch by the World Health Organization (WHO) in Geneva, Switzerland has proven that eating ham and salami while drinking a glass of red wine at each meal reduces the risk of becoming a Moslem terrorist by exactly 100%.

Note that it must be red wine – the WHO researchers determined that white wine does not have the same deterrent effect as only girly-men drink white wine.



Yesterday (5/04), Australian Prime Minister met with President Trump.  TTP would like to honor the US-OZ relationship by presenting the most popular song currently in Australia.

It’s a response to a Moslem group called Hizb-ut-Tahrir Australia.  At the bottom of its homepage, you will see its declaration:

“Hizb ut-Tahrir is an Islamic political party that works globally to resume the Islamic way of life through the establishment of the Khilafah [Caliphate] in the Muslim World. In the West, Hizb ut-Tahrir carries Islam intellectually as the solution to the malaise of secular liberalism.”

It’s currently in the Aussie news for calling for Moslem apostates to be executed, and advocating “wife-bashing” domestic violence.

So, enjoy Don’t Bite the Hand that Feeds You!  Hurray for the Aussies.  We need their spirit – and their songs – here in America.




maxine-has-the-answersWhile discussing the rationing of health care under ObamaCare – that Trump can’t seem to get rid of –  with my sister-in-law the other day, I think we have found the solution.  

I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you're a senior you need to suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care.  

A new hip?  Unheard of.  We simply can't afford to take care of you anymore.  You don't need any medications for your high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc. Let's take care of the young people.  After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.

So here is the solution.  

When you turn 70, you get a gun and 3 bullets.  

You are allowed to shoot one Senator and two Congressmen.  

Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need!  New teeth, great!  Need glasses, no problem!  New hip, knee, kidney, lung, heart?  

Well, bring it on.  

And who will be paying for all of this?  

The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care.  

With all the seniors gathered there, it will be just like a nursing home -- only free. 

And, since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax.

How's that for a politically correct, pragmatic solution?? 

Happy hunting…




ronaldreaganIn honor of St. Patrick’s Day today, it’s only appropriate to relate Ronald Reagan’s favorite Irish joke, as he was fond of telling it with such exuberance.

An Irishman was walking along Inchydoney Beach in County Cork – Ireland’s most beautiful and not far from my ancestral village of Ballyporeen – when he came upon an old encrusted bottle washed up on the shore.

He picked it up, brushed off the sand, saw it was still stoppered and wondered what was inside.  He carefully broke it open at the neck on a beach rock, and to his great surprise out popped a Leprechaun, an Irish genie.

leprechaun“Oh me man!” the Leprechaun exclaimed.  “I was in that horrid bottle for a hundred years and you be settin’ me free!  Well, I’ll be givin’ you two wishes before I’m on m’ way!”

“Two wishes?” the Irishman asked incredulously.  “Anything I want?”

“Anything – you just name it and it’s yours,” came the answer.

The Irishman couldn’t believe his luck.  He thought for a moment, then said, “Firstly, what I’ll be wantin’ is a glass of the best Irish ale – but a very special glass!” he added quickly – that no matter how much I drink it will always be full.”

Poof!  There was a glass in his hand overflowing with Irish Red Ale.  He took a sip – it was the best beer he’d ever had in his life.  He drank and he drank and he drank, and five minutes later he hadn’t made a dent, the glass was still overflowing with Irish Red.

But by now the Leprechaun was getting impatient.  “Listen me man!” he chastised.  “I appreciate you settin’ me free and all, but I was in that bottle for far too long, I’ve got things to do, so you’ll be makin’ your second wish now!”

The Irishman thought good and hard.  Finally he made his decision.  He held up his overflowing magic glass, looked at it admiringly, and told the Leprechaun, “Ya know – I think I’ll have another one of these!”

There’s no doubt about it – God loves the Irish.



You just started work for an advertising agency and your boss has given you your first assignment:  come up with an ad for Colgate dental floss.

“Show me what you’ve got,” he says.  “I want something ingeniously clever,” he says.  For dental floss??

You retreat to your desk in a panic, wondering how many fingers of Famous Grouse would it take to think of anything clever about dental floss.  And all you’ve got is coffee and plain water, no FG.  You stare at your computer screen. 

After a while, you come up with three photos, each of a smiling couple.  You entitle the ad What Do You See?  At the bottom, the ad says, “Colgate Dental Floss – for if you don’t floss, it’s the only thing people will notice!”

You show it to your boss.  He studies the three photos, puzzled.  “What’s so clever about this?” he asks dismissively.  “Three guys with food in their teeth, so what?”  Quietly, you request he look at the pictures again: 



who-hacked-electionsThe FBI was able to track the DNC hack to an IP address located somewhere close to the North Pole, but sources close to the investigation said the trail had grown cold.

"As soon as special agents were close to apprehending the suspect, they unexpectedly left the area," one source confirmed. "They suddenly grew very eager to spend Christmas vacations with their families."

All we know about the "North Pole Hacker" at this time is that he has an uncanny ability to monitor even the most secret communications in order to compile his annual "naughty or nice" list, which he then cross-references - twice - with corroborative data from other sources.

"The suspect, who goes by the initials SC, usually keeps his list to himself," the FBI source said, "but this was an unprecedented year in many ways." It appears that this year the North Pole Hacker broke with his tradition and posted his "naughty or nice" findings on WikiLeaks, allegedly "so that Americans can get a good president for Christmas."

We will keep you informed as this case develops.



Carnival Dream CruiseCruise of a lifetime! Carnival Cruise Line announces a once in a life time opportunity: THE CRUISE INTO EXILE Aboard our magnificent 3,646 passenger liner the Carnival Dream. Travel with a star-studded group of celebrities as they leave our shores for the last time. In response to the many citizens who vowed to leave the country if Donald Trump were to be elected President, Carnival Cruise lines is providing a unique opportunity to fulfill that pledge in style. Passengers will have the opportunity to rub elbows with and be entertained by dozens of famous celebrities and performers who are also going into political exile. Premier Class travelers will be invited to dine at the Captain’s table with honorary captains Jon Stewart and Whoopi Goldberg. Non-denominational religious service will be conducted daily by the Very Reverend Al Sharpton in the Paradise Lounge.  Superstars Cher, Barbra Streisand and Miley Cyrus will perform nightly in the main lounge.

Amy Schumer and Rosie O’Donnell will do stand-up comedy in the Sky Bar. Other featured guests will include Spike Lee, Bryan Cranston, Amber Rose, Samuel L. Jackson, Stephen King, Barry Diller and many, many others… among them, special guest attraction Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.