THE BEST WAY TO CHANGE OUR LIVES
There are lots of tricks and techniques for making changes in our lives: having goal-setting strategies, setting priorities, and structuring support for new and better habits, to name just a few. But one of the most important elements has less to do with what we do, and much more to do with how we do it.
Think of the people who have had the greatest positive influence on you. Did they spend a lot of time nagging, berating, insulting, or shaming you? I suspect not.
Shame has its place. But once that feedback is received, and we have taken the steps to correct what we feel ashamed of, that emotion has done its job.
For example, researchers have found that among alcoholics who have become sober, those who continue to actively feel ashamed of themselves, to criticize and castigate themselves for their previous behavior, are the ones who go back to drinking.
On the other hand, it turns out that the most effective way to change things for the better is...